He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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