I just made out with a guy for $7.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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