My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
