Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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