I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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