ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
