I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
