The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
