Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
That accounts for only three of the penises
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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