Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
