sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize