When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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