what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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