apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
