his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
