you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
