my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
