WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
