when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
