you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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