im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
