okay pat passed out under dana's car
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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