Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
