There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
