Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
