I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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