Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We need to get me chipped asap
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
