I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
