I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
