Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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