man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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