Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize