Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
