and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
