Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
