I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
