I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize