God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
you had me at cake vodka
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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