when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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