Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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