Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
