so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I love you. Go after that dick
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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