If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
