trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
