if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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