i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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