I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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