I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
