There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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