If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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