I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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