Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
