I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
