put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
