try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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