remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
