I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
