My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
