This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
