He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
this just has baby written all over it
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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