that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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