both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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