I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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