So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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