dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
