ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm at about main and main street
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
