I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
