Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
