It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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