I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
