the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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