Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My liver just had a heart attack.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
