Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
