So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
