Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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