Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
