it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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