the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just had sex on a roof
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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