yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize