U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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