The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
