You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
