I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
