I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
