Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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