hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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