I heard we made out
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
