Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm passing your future prison.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
