I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
