It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
