The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
