so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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