Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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