all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
