Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We had to coat check the pizza.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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