dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
