literally had 100 drinks last night.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
