I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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