Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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