he looks like a really good dad on facebook
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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