It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
