he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
