I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
