when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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