Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
