at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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