Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
There's even glitter on my cock...
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