I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
where am i from again
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
