Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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