In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
