Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
