Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize