Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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